When Should You Mind Your Child's Business
By Jeff Cairo
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People have been saying “Mind your business” for a lifetime. But what does it actually mean? Does it mean that you should focus on your own life? Does it mean you should have a blind eye to people and things around you? If you say something to someone that you feel strong about, are you interfering?
What I’m talking about is when do we “mind our own business” as a parent? Thats a real tough question. As children grow up it is important for parents to be in their “business” and to raise them the right way. What we are doing is teaching them to take care of themselves as they get older. It is important to show immense support and get them involved in activities like sports and academics. What happens sometimes is parents put too much pressure on their children to do what THEY want them to do. They try to live vicariously through their children and almost force them to do things.
Maybe the parents didn’t excel in school so they will only except straight A’s. Maybe they were the captain of the football team or head cheerleader and expect nothing less from their children. This is completely wrong. We should let them be who they want to be. And do the things they want to do. BUT do not. I repeat do not teach them the “everybody is a winner” mantra. Participation trophies should not exist. If they try something and fail, GOOD. Teach them to try again. If they fail again, GREAT try something else. Some people win and some people lose. It is ok,it is apart of life. Children need to learn to find themselves along the way. We as the parent are only there to GUIDE. Not make their choice for them.
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As they get older they are going to get involved in a lot of things. Some are good, some are bad. If I could use an old term Sex, Drugs and Rock &Roll is apart of growing up. I’m in no way condoning it but as parents we can’t be hypocritical. All we can do is hope we raised them right. We hear horror stories of addiction, drinking and babies having babies. Just because our children go out one night and have a drink or smoke doesn’t mean they are a bad kid and going to ruin their life. God or bad, decisions make for life experiences.
The only time parents should get back in their child’s “business” is if you notice a severe change in their behavior. Not typical teenager attitude. I’m talking about the withdrawn behavior. It could be depression, drugs or other anxieties young adults have. As parents we most certainly need to get involved with their business so we can make sure there are no casualties.
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As kids progress through young adulthood parents should not make their life decisions. If they don’t want the career you want them to have, who cares. You have your life, your children are creating theirs. If they want to work and not go to college don’t throw them out of the house. Let them make mistakes. If we try and control them they will resent you. Children should not feel they are not living up to YOUR expectations as they grow. When we do this we are instilling anxiety in them at an early age. It will stay with them for the rest of their lives and can lead to issues as they get older. Think of yourself at that age. Some people live with regret their entire lives. I should have done this. Why didn’t I do that. Even as an adult you can still change your life if you aren’t happy. I’ve seen people in their 40’s and 50’s completely change their lives and it works for them. So why do parents torture their children at 10 years or 19 years old?
I am by no means an authority on parenting. I’m writing this because I think parents get so caught up with trying to do right and they don’t realize they maybe doing a little wrong. I’m not saying forget about your children. Make sure they are always healthy and steer them without pressuring them. I’m saying let them go. Let them flourish. As a parent you are suppose worry about your children and protect them until the day you die. And thats exactly what you should do. But don’t use your voice. Listen to theirs…
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